Filip Skrońc
Little death in Pattaya
2014
/
45 min.
Pattaya is a city in Thailand which, thirty years ago, was just a poor fisherman village. Today, it is a metropolis filled with flashy neon lights, the global capital of sex tourism and the chosen destination for many Western men. Five of them tell their stories related to this Thai city.
James, 42
For a very long time, I thought I could avoid paying for sex. I didn’t want to feel as if I were buying love. I could pay for dinner, drinks or a hotel, but paying for intercourse felt somehow humiliating. You have to really hit rock bottom to do it. I did.
During the first four days of my stay in Pattaya, I got to know pretty well the surroundings of Walking Street. It was pretty amusing when girls showed their breasts to me, and a bit awkward when they asked me to put my hands on them. I didn’t do it. I was afraid. I was afraid that there were bodyguards waiting around the corner, and they would make me pay for this pleasure. If I didn’t pay, I would probably get beaten up.
Seeing all these bars, go-go clubs and places packed full with young girls, I started to ask about the prices. I was really nervous. My hands would shake, my heart was beating like a hammer, I would avoid eye contact. I knew that they could see how nervous I was, so I wouldn’t do it sober. Before leaving home, I would drink three or four glasses of rum. And then I would chew mint to kill the smell of alcohol.
Looking for the right girl, I talked a lot with potential candidates. From the very beginning, I knew that I wasn’t interested in quickies at pay-per-hour hotels or blowjobs at public restrooms. I think that I wouldn’t be able to feel comfortable in such conditions.
One girl told me straightforwardly that because she won’t agree to spend an entire night together, she will be able to accept more clients. Owing to this, she can make more money, and then sleep in her own bed. After all, business is business. You can see those funny signs everywhere: “In Buddha we trust, but in cash we pay”.
Everything changed on the fifth day. Or at least it seemed so.
At dawn, I decided to have a walk. In the mornings, the streets are practically empty. The sun is not so burning, so you can stroll along the main boulevard and the empty beach. This is where I met Scott, a well-built guy with lots of tattoos all over his body. He was doing pull-ups on a metal bar while I ate grilled sea food. He stopped his exercise and approached me. We talked a bit, and then I told him that I haven’t slept with any girls so far. He laughed, but also wanted to help me. He recommended I check the surroundings of Welkom Inn. It’s a hotel located at the opposite side of the city to Walking Street. Scott spoke of girls who charged you 900 bahts (US$28). It sounded promising. Before speaking to him, I was ready to pay even 4,000 bahts for a single night.
On the same evening, I went to check the address he referred me to. On my way there, I passed along hundreds of girls. Some of them would stop in my way, others would ask me to buy them a drink. They seemed even more pushy than those I had met before. Or perhaps I was just feeling more self-confident? I don’t know. But this is not what is most important here.
I wanted to get lost on those streets which departed from Welkom. I was getting deeper and deeper into increasingly obscure parts of the cities. All that was left there were cheap motels with a direct entrance from the street and houses of ordinary inhabitants of Pattaya. Because - pimps, hookers and their customers aside - there still were ordinary people who lived there.
On one of these streets, there were three bars. From the outside, they were completely dark, full of local guys and bored girls. Some of them were sitting on bar stools, playing with shoes which were falling off their feet. Faces of some of them were lit up with the screens of their mobile phones which they were staring at with a quasi-religious piety.
But there was also this one girl who looked back at me. Tall and beautiful, she wore a blue dress. She came to me, and I asked her how much would she want for spending an evening together, followed by a night in my hotel room. She replied she was not interested in any of this. She wanted to get over with it as soon as possible. Like all the other girls: the nearest hotel, shower, quick sex, ejaculation and cash. She was really adamant about it. From pure curiosity, I asked her how much she wanted. She said I could pay her whatever I wanted.
Dear God, I should feel so lucky that I didn’t agree to it. It was a lady-boy! A girl at another bar told me. She explained that, should the staff at my hotel see that he had „male” written on his ID, they would have kicked him out right away. However, at the pay-per-hour hotel, no one cares. You can pay and enter the room with ten girls or with a child.
I felt devastated.
I have heard of similar situations, but I was convinced this would never happen to me. I thought I could tell a girl from a guy. I mean, a woman from a lady-boy. Not only that I couldn’t tell, I told him he looked beautiful.
I could have slept with the girl who told me all this and cut my losses, but I couldn’t do it. I just wanted to get away from there.
I feel ashamed when I’m telling you all this, but I know I will finally find the right girl. I’m staying in Pattaya for two more days. Keep your fingers crossed for me.
Henry, 73
You must be thinking I’m crazy. An old man gone crazy. It is true, I haven’t got much time left, and I’m feeling as if I were young again.
I don’t want to talk about my personal life. In this respect, I don’t differ much from my peers. I used to have a wife, and now I have three children and five grandchildren. One of them is your age, he’s studying to become a doctor, like me. I worked for forty years as a surgeon, but now my eyes and reflex are not what they used to be.
It’s my fifth time in Thailand. You could say it’s a lot, but when I think of my age, it’s not a very big accomplishment.
I love this country! I love Ko Samui and Pattaya. I also have lots of good memories from Bangkok, but the pace of life over there is too fast for me. It’s a city of business. Everyone is on the run and wants to accumulate as much wealth as possible. But this is normal. Thailand is a country which has reached a certain point, and now it must use this opportunity. Just like I have to make good use of the last years of my life. I don’t believe in God, so I think that there’s nothing awaiting me after death.
Right now, for instance, I’m dating a very lovely woman. I think it has been two weeks. Let me tell you more about this, because it is a very interesting story. A bit sad, too, but that’s how life is, after all.
I met her at a French bakery, the one on the corner next to a 7-11 store. I was drinking my coffee, and she was clearly waiting for a man to show up. I observed her, and after 15 minutes I asked her if I could join her at her table. She shook her head, but then she followed me. It turned out I was right, she had an appointment with a customer, but he stood her up. I suggested we have breakfast together and talk.
She talked a lot about herself. Among other things, I found out that she was born in Issan. It’s a very poor region in north-eastern Thailand, many prostitutes are from there. Two of her sisters still live there, as well as one of her brothers and a sick mother. As the oldest daughter in the family, she had to take care of most of the responsibilities related to supporting her family. She tries to send them money as often as possible.
It’s very sad, because my friend had to give up on her dreams. She is at work every day, starting at eight a.m. if she’s not on a date with a customer.
No! No, sir, I’m not one of her clients! Our only arrangement is based on these breakfasts which we have if she’s not busy. And, because she’s not getting any younger, sometimes she fails to find customers. That’s when she usually shows up at our favourite restaurant and we get to talk. There’s always a new topic to discuss.
After forenoons like these, I have time for myself. And I love every minute of it here! I walk down the street, everyone is smiling at me and I feel as if I were young again. Neighbours greet each other, kids run around the neighbourhood. You can feel the calm atmosphere that we lack in Europe. I don’t mind living in a small room and not in my house. I also don’t complain if, instead of a comfortable car, I travel with an old tuk-tuk.
It might be that I’m just an old, desperate man, but have a look at these young guys: in fact, they’re the ones who are crazy! They could have any girl back at home, but they come here and pay for a moment of pleasure. It’s as if they were paying for air.
But the worst ones are those who spend all their days sitting at bars and drinking too much beer. They treat these girls like garbage. They don’t show them respect, even though every woman deserves to be shown some. Also a prostitute. We don’t know what forced her to do what she does. And those young guys, they think that if they have money, they can do whatever they please. And those girls, they have to cope with it. They don’t react to it even when drunk guys start groping them. It’s obvious it bothers them, but they hope to get a bigger tip or new shoes. Drunk clients often buy them from street sellers.
I’m also amused by men who throw flowers at women, buy them clothes and are not complaining when Thai girls don’t want to hold hands or kiss them. Obviously, I have some sort of empathy for those guys, but I also know that they got lost in these complex relationships. They seek intimacy, but even hookers paid with cash have nothing but indifference for them.
I could easily get myself into something like this, but luckily, I learned how things work here pretty fast. At least I think so. I only agree to arrangements which can increase my happiness.
Also, I’m not looking for underage girls. Even a forty year-old woman is young for me. And I’m not looking for sex per se, rather, I’m interested in companionship, talking and spending time together. Of course, if it ends in bed, I don’t mind. But really, this is not what is most important to me. Also, as I told you before, I’m afraid my old heart would not take it very well. It’s very weak.
Bob, 26
Where are you from? Poland? I haven’t been there, but I know a few swear words in Polish. I used to work with a Polish guy. He was a driver. He would transport stuff at my friend’s company. Anyway, I have a real talent for cursing. I can curse in thirty languages or so. Sometimes this can be useful.
Have you been to Bunny Bar? It’s the one with a white door, can you see it over there? It’s a place where girls dance on pool tables all night. You can even spot traces left by their heels. They’re the best chicks in town! They know me very well over there. I’m a regular customer, but I don’t sleep with those girls. They’re like sisters to me. Don’t laugh, it’s true!
You have to have sex with those who really want it. With those who pretend to be mistakenly striking your hand, grabbing your hip or pulling your sweaty t-shirt. Then it’s OK. Things are pretty obvious.
There’s only one thing that I don’t like about Thailand. Can you see this lady-boy? Disgusting! But, on the other hand, sometimes they can get pretty funny. They can be self-ironic in their own way. Unlike this other girl that I got rid of a moment ago. She said she’s been living in Pattaya for five years. She could have lied or be quiet about it! But no! She decided to tell me the truth. Does she really think I’m turned on by this?
Just think about it. If she’s been living here for five years, she probably worked the whole time as a hooker. Let’s face it, it’s such a town. There is a reason why Pattaya is also known as the Sin City. Let’s say that an average girl has at least 300 customers per year. This means I would be her 1,501st client! The 1,501st guy who nailed her! The 1,501st dick she has to watch and lie that it’s the best she’s ever had! I don’t want to listen to stuff like that.
And you, don’t laugh, because you would be the 1,502nd, and you would
have to deal with the fact that I came on her before you did.
In general, it’s something which bothers me about Thai girls. Have a look at the one who’s standing over there. She looks twenty at most, and she probably is thirty-four, has a husband and a child.
Of course, this way of thinking is very bad. It can spoil all the fun you’re having. This is why I try to be cool about all of it. Above all, I want to have a good time. Both in Thailand and in my country.
Feelings are for weak people.
But don’t take example from me. I’m not a regular guy. All the people I know have some more profound needs, plans and dreams. They all need a warm home and this one special person by their side. Me, on the other hand, I need beer, pussy and hardcore techno. And money. Without money, there’s nothing left for you.
Wow, did you see her ass?! Dude, it was awesome!
Thankfully, all these things are rather cheap in Pattaya. Pattaya is the best. Simply the best, as one transvestite sang.
It’s my fourth time here, and I’m still amazed. These girls don’t have any plans for their future. They don’t think further than this evening. And if they’re not very greedy, they really don’t have to do much. From time to time, they just have to go on the street and find a cock to suck. They can buy something to eat, drink and smoke from the money they make. They love it here too much to run away from this place. All this talk about sex slaves and everything, it’s just western propaganda. Bullshit! They like it here, because they have a completely different way of thinking, a different approach to life. And I understand them! I even think that, in my previous life, I must had been a Thai.
This place is really amazing! Made for people like us. We’re young, good-looking, and we pay in dollars.
Besides, I think that I had some of my best shots here. I don’t know if it’s owing to the girls, climate, or maybe my skills. Because, let me tell you this, girls who end up with me are really lucky. Not only that I’m good looking, I’m also great in the sack. No, not that I want to boast about it or anything, it’s just the truth. There was this one Thai girl who told me that she’s never had better sex before. Dude, of course she wasn’t lying! She kept screaming for half of the night, it was so awesome. I really showed her some skills that night!
Do you know how the French call orgasm? La petite mort, which means little death. In Polish, does orgasm mean anything else?
Vincent, 29
I don’t consider myself a handsome guy, but I wouldn’t call myself ugly either. Let’s say that I’m peculiar.
I’m 29 years-old. I live in Belgium. I didn’t complete my studies, I work at my father’s company for the lowest salary. However, I also invest on the stock market, and I make additional money from this which I spend on traveling. Over the past ten years, I’ve been to quite many places. Believe me or not.
I’ve been to Thailand before. It was while I was a student, but back then, I didn’t think of hookers. Sleeping with a prostitute simply wasn’t an option. I broke this rule only in my last trip here.
I have been working too hard, and recently, I even stopped going out and hanging out with friends. I felt I lost it. I didn’t cope well with stuff at home, so I decided to have some rest in Thailand and relax a bit. And not save money for the first time in my life. I wanted to feel what it’s like to not care about anything, and just enjoy life. Do what you feel like doing. Do you know this feeling? Besides, I didn’t want to turn 30 without experiencing certain things.
I flew into Bangkok two months ago and I caught a direct bus to Pattaya. I hear they call it the sex bus.
On my first night in Pattaya, I met a girl at a local disco. She was half-Thai, half-American. At least that’s what she told me. She also said she wasn’t a hooker. We ended up making out in bed.
When we were kissing, she told me that actually, she wasn’t there to spend her summer at a friend’s place. She came there to work. It turned out she was a “bar girl” after all, and she told me that in the morning I would have to pay for her. Did you know that when you leave such a place with a girl, you have to pay either the bodyguard or the bartender? I didn’t know that. She paid for me from her own money, so that I wouldn’t figure it out on my own.
I fished out some money from my wallet and I handed her 2,000 bahts. Now I know it was too much. I told her to leave, but she told me she didn’t have anywhere else to go. That night, I slept on the floor.
In the morning, although I didn’t want to, we had sex. One thing led to another, it seemed perfectly natural. You know how it is, right?
We spent the next three days and nights together. I paid for everything but sex. And I always put on a condom. I was too scared. She knew about it and she finally convinced me to go to a place where we could have ourselves tested for HIV. You can do it at all the clinics here. She said she wanted me to feel more comfortable.
After it was clear that neither of us was HIV-positive, we started doing it without any protection. It seemed she enjoyed it more this way, but I felt used. I did everything she wanted me to do. She made sure I became addicted to her.
I started to get scared. I’ve heard stories of men who fell into a similar “love trap”. I started to have some feelings for her, so I lied and told her I was running out of money, and then I left the town.
I went to Phuket. I partied, had some good time, and then some rest. I slept with a few girls, but they were all one night stands. Yes, some of them were prostitutes, but at a certain point, you stop separating women like that.
But back to the story. While I partied in Phuket, I couldn’t stop thinking about that girl from Pattaya. I didn’t say what her name was? My apologies. I called her Kitia.
I planned to visit many placed in Thailand, but I ended up again in Pattaya. I wanted to find Kitia and talk to her. Did I find her? Of course I did. She was at the same bar where I first met her. She saw me, and threw her arms around me. I paid the bodyguard and we could step outside the bar. She thought I came back for good sex, but I wanted to talk. Have I mentioned I fell in love with her? I’m sorry, I’m getting a bit lost in this story of mine. You know, all this is pretty recent. We talked the day before yesterday. Besides, I think I’m drunk right now.
I told her I could rent a room for her and stay with her whenever I showed up in Thailand. I thought that 10,000 bahts would be enough, but she said that it’s wasn’t. I agreed to 20,000 bahts. I simply couldn’t afford to pay more, and life in Belgium is not cheap.
She gave me a broad smile and looked me in the eyes. I can remember this very well. A moment later, we were lying in cold sand by the port. We kissed a bit, but it was too loud to have something more than just kissing. After that, we made love in the room. Again with a condom. Feelings cannot protect you from disease. After all, I didn’t know what she was up to last month.
We spent the next day talking about having a home together, pension funds, citizenship. But before all this can become reality, I have to go back to Belgium and make some money. My flight is in three days. We’ll probably spend them together, and then there will be phone calls and Internet chats.
But right now, I’m sitting here with you and having another beer. I don’t know what to do. I think that’s why I’m telling you all this. I need someone to tell me whether any of this makes sense. Obviously, I can’t call my father.
Richard, 46
Her name is Ree. She’s from Issan. Which is rather obvious. The most beautiful girsl in the world are born there.
In June, she turned twenty-four, but she looks younger. She has a great body, weighs only 40 kilos, smiles often. When I met her, it was her fifth month in Pattaya.
Her English is really bad. Sometimes this bothers me, but at first, I was happy about it. I read it as a good sign. The fact that she didn’t know the names of all the sexual positions and she had difficulties explaining me that she had her period made it easy for me to believe that she has just started doing what she was doing.
I became interested not only in her beauty, but also in her personality. She wasn’t as eager as other girls. She told me right away that men couldn’t just spend a night with her. She offered company. I think she called herself “a friend for worse times.”
I felt that it wasn’t just a play, so I lied. I told her what I was looking for was sanuk, and not katitu. To have fun, and not sex.
That night, we ended up in my room. She took off her clothes in front of me and told me that, irrespectively of what we’ll be doing that night, we must first take a shower. Taking showers is obligatory in Pattaya.
Ree didn’t agree to take a shower together. She stepped out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around her wet body, and told me it was my turn.
A moment later, we were lying in bed together. I said I wanted her to be happy afterwards. She said that watching color TV is what gives her pleasure.
We paced through different channels before we finally settled for some Hollywood blockbuster. The exaggeratedly massive subtitles in Thai were often blocking the faces of actors, but I merely looked at the screen. This whole time, I was just trying to hug Ree. A moment later, we took off our wet towels, and she lied there in her black panties. I didn’t insist she takes them off.
I was happy to be lying on a bed with a beautiful woman, watching a movie, and have her embrace me, her breasts pushed against my body.
It was one of the most important moments of my life. I felt calm like never before. I was hoping for sex, but I was perfectly fine with sanuk. We talked and caressed each other’s hands. She asked me about my job, my favorite color and whether I had a wife. She begged me to tell her I didn’t.
At night, I woke up several times just to stare at her. Just for that.
It was supposed to be an evening like all the others, but, in a certain way, it transformed my entire life. I felt as if I were on the outskirts of the galaxy, observing the Milky Way. What I felt at that moment was a real dream come true.
However, the next morning it struck me: I fell for her.
I fell in love with Ree on our first night together. Like some dumb kid. I didn’t know what to do. And I still don’t.
The next morning, we went out to have breakfast. Then she told me she had to go back home. I was happy she did, because I had no idea what could we possibly be doing the entire day. I gave her some money. At first, she didn’t want to take it, but I told her it was for a cab. The thing is that she could have gone as far as to Beijing with that kind of money.
Alone, I wandered around the streets of Pattaya. Along my way, I passed many girls, but none of them had even a shred of what I saw in Ree. I can’t name it. It has to be “something”.
Since I arrived to Thailand, I have been writing a diary, jotting down my adventures, feelings and thoughts. After a week, when I read through it all, I understood how monothematic I was. Every single note was somehow connected to Ree. On one of the pages, I wrote: “A man is a real man when he knows how to be courageous. If she agreed to be with me, would I stay in Thailand? It’s a question which should be answered by someone wiser than me.”
I have been living in Pattaya for six months now.
We meet when she’s not working. We learned to appreciate all those precious little things, like having a meal together or a one-day trip to one of the islands which surround the city. Even though it’s illegal, I made an extra key for her, and she can come to my hotel room whenever she wants when I’m away from time to time.
I leave the town several times per month. I go to Bangkok to have some rest from what it’s like here, call home and check how is business. While I’m here, my older son is taking care of the company. Perhaps he has some idea of what I’m doing here, but he won’t tell it to my face. The official story is that I took a year off to relax and travel around Asia. Mental fatigue caused by a stressful lifestyle. No one asks whether it’s true. They’re afraid to know the truth.
I’m aware that Ree continues to see other guys. I would be a hypocrite if I lied to myself about this. From the very beginning, I knew who she was. But I don’t ask her whether he has sex with her customers or whether she gives them pleasure in a different way. I have created a certain illusion for myself, and I don’t want to destroy it.
Obviously, I’m jealous of her. I didn’t touch her during the first weeks of our relationship, and it’s hard to come to terms with the fact that others do.
Actually, the first time we had sex was when she told me she loved me. For a very long time, I couldn’t believe her. I understood that it could be true when I told her about my plans. I wanted to spend a month in Cambodia and Laos. Act like a tourist, visit some places, because that’s why I came to Asia in the first place. When she heard it, she begged me not to do it. She told me she wouldn’t be able to stand it, and she would miss me too much, that her feelings for me were honest, and that we would have to part our ways.
I stayed.
I said I loved her.
The names of the characters were changed.
Pattaya, 2014
